Love osteopaths/hate cabbages!
How do’s all..Fat Harry here delivering you this week’s Scour burb, and welcoming you all to Spinforth’s Weekly SoundCloud Scour #42.
So, after a severe bought of man-trapped-nerve (i’m assured any injury or illness can now have a ‘man’ prefix) I have to get myself back in the gym. I wish it was as easy as just rocking up in my spandex, throwing down some dirty lunges and sweating on things for the best part of an hour, unfortunately six weeks of varying amounts of incredible pain has reduced my cardio output to slowly crawling up and down the stairs on all fours like I was in ‘The Grudge’ and sitting on the toilet and screaming like a massive girl when I twisted round to wipe my arse. My friends rallied round and sorted me out for food (leaning in through the window and throwing biscuits at me to guzzle…rather like fish to a seal) and drugs (It’s wonderfully kind that so many people came out of the woodwork with painkilling drugs and an absolute travesty that nothing even came close to taking the edge off…but I still did the seal impressions) In the end it was four trips to the osteopath that finally sorted me out. I wanted to make a grand gesture to osteopathism (I’ve definitely made that word up) by getting ‘Love’ ‘Osteopaths’ tattooed onto my knuckles, but as my father and auntie never married I don’t have the required amount of digits…oh wait, nevermind, that is a long story and this is just a quickieblurbarillo™ whilst spinforth strokes a cat somewhere in the pacific at GhettoFunk HQ’s volcanic island/underground lair, plotting on how to surpass his world record smashing thumb score, from last week’s incredibly tasty Scour #41, around a table of suitably despicable henchmen.
So, pain free and wanting to get myself back in shape to get back into the gym (which rather feels like employing a cleaner to clean your house then cleaning the house before the cleaner comes round as you don’t want the cleaner to think you’re a massive grub) I’ve been on the seven day cabbage soup diet, which is a big, bad bitch. I’ve done it before so I know it is effective but by christ it’s tough. Day 1: Cabbage soup and fruit. Day 2: Cabbage soup and veg. Day 3: Cabbage soup and fruit and veg. If I had the energy to cry by Day 4 I’d have eaten my own tears for the sustenance, but I did it, it worked, i’ll do it again soon and i will flick the V’s at unsuspecting cabbages flaunting themselves outside fruit and veg shops. Big, green hussies!
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See you next week and have yourselves a tidy weekend! xx
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