This weeks scour comes courtesy of the full HKPP crew, Fat Harry, Morphosis & Spinforth:
I used to work in China for a company that was into everything. Property, hotels, legalised prostitution, cinema’s, taxi’s, even (honestly) fireworks and laundry. With no slur intended the company was fiercely patriotic and insular and I was there to help them set up and train some ‘international’ operating standards as they completed their brand new uber-hotel (i.e loudly clearing phlegm from the back of the throat and/or spitting in public places is generally considered bad form) I’m pretty sure that even the gang operating outside the hotel were part of the company.
Sidestepping a few interesting facts. That of the 1,500 staff about to be employed to run the hotel the same amount of prostitutes (none of them ginger – fact) were also being employed to service the clientele. That they flooded an entire valley to create the ‘stunning’ lake – see ya squirrels! That they classed it as an 8 star hotel, throwing a spanner into the entire world’s hotel rating system (Ironically it’s also how Spinforth rates his tunes in serrato – his bangers started out with 5 stars, last glance they were 8+++ That after building this marble and gold feng-shuied-to-the-hilt monster they refused to turn on the air con or lighting as it was too expensive. :posh sweatbox:
The company had commissioned what can fairly be described as the Chinese version of Simply Red to make them a company anthem. (What’s the difference between a cow and Simply Red? The cow has the horns at the front and the arsehole at the back. Thank you, i’m here all week) The song was arguably better than anything Hucknell’s put out, at least you didn’t have to have lost a close loved one to feel touched by ‘Stars’.
Before the hotel was finished I was based in the cramped pre production office, I shared a desk with the human resources director who to my huge relief wasn’t a massive racist; he was on the phone all day and every other word was ‘niggaarrr’. I was horrified so I made my Mandarin teacher sit at my desk and listen in (as he flatly denied that ‘niggaaaar’ was a real word in Mandarin or Cantonese). Probably worth bearing in mind that the direct translation of ‘niggaaaar’ is ‘errrrrrrm’. Evil human resources director was just saying ‘errrrrrr’ and ‘ummmmm’ a lot. You won’t find that in a phrasebook.
As I was spending up to 18 hours a day in that office 7 days a week with the company song playing continuously and loudly I could pretty quickly sing it all, note and nuance perfect (I still harbour a lot of hate for all things Simply Red based mostly on those painful and if i’m honest, tortuous few months) I had not one clue what the words mean’t but that didn’t seem to have any factor in the bosses labelling me as a prodigy, i’d have a steady stream of colleagues come to my desk to see the ginger ‘gwailo’ nail their song (I also had a steady stream of people demanding western names – they’d tell me what their name mean’t in Chinese and I’d have to give them an apt western name. My favourite was Otis, who’s name in Chinese mean’t ‘to go up’. I didn’t tell him that Otis made all the elevators in Asia)
That’s how I got the job of teaching the new recruits the company song. Every afternoon I’d take anything up to a group of 60 into one of the training rooms and stand at the front with a flipchart, a laptop and a ruler, like some kind of bearded Julie Andrews teaching the Von Trapp children. As i’d only been there a few months my Mandarin was appalling and their English was even worse, so thankfully I didn’t pick up any references to cow’s arses
Hope you enjoy this week’s scour, Spinforth may be back next week if he see’s enough thumbs so, get thumbing!
If you have a tune that you’d like considered for support in forthcoming Scours, please email Spinforth at: firstname.lastname@example.org
This is wonderful, can’t believe it’s free! But it is, so smile wide and dive in!
Here’s a monster jam from Hi-Enz, if Guy Richie ever makes another film this will definitely be the soundtrack to the ‘killing spree montage’ section. Guaranteed.
Stunning Lo Fi hip hop blend from T.Rice. Crisp and fresh and so headnoddingly good you may need a neck brace :public health warning:
The old ska instrumental/hip hop acapella combo nearly always works well but sometimes it really does produce something extra special and this is solid gold from DJ Cut La Vis.
My flat mate and I were firing pretend guns at each other whilst this was playing, and we’re not even gangsters! Grab it now! :blows smoke from finger:
Love and Light were in last weeks scour but this was just to good not to make it in this week as well. Flapper Groove? Swing Crunk? Lazer Swingstep? Who knows! It’s trouser re-movingly good though!
Kellogs La Haine Flakes with added crunchy goodness.
You know you’ve got a scour winner when we all put our suggestions in and everyone has included the same tune. Wick-It The Instigator moves majestically and seamlessly through multi genres and he’s only gone and done it again. Get. In.
Grab this and defo keep an eye on DJ August. Sharp as an obsessive compulsive’s trouser creases.
Very late entry to this week’s scour, Morph said we should save it for next week as our top 5 tunes was getting ridiculously long at 12, but what the hell! You need this in your lives!
Have been loving this for a while, Dan Wilde has just opened this biddley bomb up for download – show him your love.
Funky as a ginger squirrel in a jaunty hat and stripper boots. Boom!
Aaaaand this week’s Curveball comes courtesy of the wonderfully talented Mr Sam Redmore. It’s another tune the three of us are loving and you should definitely have a rummage through Sam’s soundcloud page as there’s plenty of sexibusiness to be found.